


Snow in the Sky

by WildastheRiver



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Charles being a professor, Christmas, M/M, No Beach Divorce, Tea, Winter, break ups, relationship angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-17
Updated: 2012-06-17
Packaged: 2017-11-07 23:58:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/436858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildastheRiver/pseuds/WildastheRiver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After everything that's happened in Cuba, Charles and Erik face the next biggest threat to their relationship: themselves.  It takes two to make things work, but Erik's inability to realize it is driving Charles away, and salvaging it will take more than he was aware he needed to give.  But if there's one thing they both know, it's that giving up isn't an option they're ready to accept, not yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Library

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> What started off as a one shot of an excuse to write Cherik smut turned into something far deeper and more meaningful, and something I had an immense amount of fun doing. I just wrote this... trilogy, but I have more ideas, some that I kind of reference here, and hopefully I'll add more to it in the future. I posted the first chapter on FF.net, but I wanted to post the complete work here; I definitely prefer this site to it. So, if you find "The Library" on FF.net, know that it's one and the same, and I'm warriorgrrrl over there. 
> 
> But in the mean time... 
> 
> Enjoy! :)

 

“... And with this new turn of events, it is with keen eyes and an open mind that we start our next step in human evolution.”Charles looked up from his binder, seeing if any of them were still awake.Hank was staring in rapt attention, looking like a small school boy, Raven leaning against his shoulder and looking terribly sleepy.Alex and Sean had both passed out, the former drooling on the latter’s shoulder quite comically.“I think that’s enough for tonight, you all.”He stood, smiling at them all as they all roused from their various states of dormancy.

“Do you have more?” asked Hank, looking rather crestfallen that this was it for tonight.Charles couldn’t help but smile a little at the young man, shaking his head.

“Yes, but I doubt my sister or the boys have it in them for another chapter in homo superior evolution.”

“Wh-what he said,” yawned Sean, standing up and letting Alex tumble to the floor.The blonde boy let out a sharp exclamation, but did nothing to counter; they were all exhausted.Charles’ smile widened, and he opened the door out to the hall, patting Hank on the shoulder.

“Tomorrow night, we can continue.You all get to bed, you’ll need your rest if we’re going to get the road clear tomorrow.”There was a series of moans and groans, and Raven gave him a disgusted look, but none of them protested further.“The snow won’t shovel itself, you know.”There were some vague nods from the youngsters, but that was all.

“G’night, professor,” they all said as they left, heading for the nearest staircase.

“Goodnight, children,” he whispered after them, closing the door and locking it.The minute the bolt clicked into place, his expression darkened considerably; _he_ hadpromised that he would come to this.He’d promised.And like a child, Charles had believed him.And like all those times before, he’d been disappointed.

 _Why would he come?He doesn’t give a damn about genetics or evolutionary hypotheses or_ you ‒Charles’ lip curled as he gathered up the binder with his thesis and the various other books that had been strewn about the library in the past week; he was getting sick and tired and bloody well _pissed off_ with Erik’s damn excuses, and he wasn’t going to take it anymore.He wasn’t going to play nice to for that German asshole, wasn’t going to lay down and beg for his approval or his kind words or a good fuck, oh no, not anymore.

“I’m not a bloody child seeking praise from a soddy father, I’m a grown man and I can‒”He turned, reaching for his basic relativity book, and dropped all the books in his arm.“Bloody‒!”

Erik was leaning against the oak of the doors, grinning a rather satisfied grin.Charles stared at him for a moment, torn between anger and hurt, before the stench of alcohol hit his nostrils.Then it was all anger.Glaring coldly at him, he began to gather the books again.

“You’ve got a _hell_ of a lot of nerve, showing up here, _now, drunk._ ”He stood back up, still glaring.Erik just continued smirking back, lazy and self satisfied.“What, you arse?”

Erik laughed.

He _laughed._

Charles contemplated throwing a book at him, but that would damage the book.Instead, he settled for his rather large vocabulary, although at the moment it had been reduced to curse words and... more curse words.“Sod off, you bollocking, arse faced‒”

“Ah, Charles, such words don’t befit that pretty little mouth of yours,” slurred Erik, finally walking over.The closer he got, the stronger the scent of alcohol was; he’d obviously been holed up a while, although that wasn’t a surprise, given that Charles hadn’t seen him since about seven.He’d hoped that he’d show, but no‒

Erik trailed his fingers down the side of Charles’ face, brushing his lips none too gently.Charles jerked away, a light flush creeping up his face, looking even more irate.“Stop _it._ Get out,” he snapped, spinning around and heading to the bookcases.“I don’t want to see you tonight.”Erik followed, walking almost right into him.

“That’s not what you said last night,” he said, almost right in his ear.Charles had to control a shiver; he would not cave, he would _not_ cave...

“That was last night, this is now, get OUT.”He would not CAVE.Erik snickered again, and Charles tuned him out, intent on not giving the other man the satisfaction and getting these books back to where they were supposed to be; Hank was a lovely lad, but damned if he wouldn’t put something away every once in while.

 _Biological evolution: here you are, Darwin, Russell... Osborn... Oh for CHRIST’S sake, where’s the damn ladder?_ The slot where Russell normally was, was just beyond his reach; of course it would be, just another thing to piss him off.“Bloody...”

Erik’s hand snaked around his shoulder, reaching for the book, and Charles dropped it just in time to lay a heavy _slap_ on the German.He just laughed again.

“Temperamental, are we?”

“Sod OFF, Erik.You’re slowing me down.”

“Also not what you said‒”

“You make another crack about last night, and I’m going to crack that head of yours.”

“Which one?”

He had to literally hold back from dropping the books and socking him one hard in the jaw, stomach, wherever.Instead, he turned around, letting his anger spark in those eyes of his.“Erik... get out.Or I’ll do something, I swear‒”

Erik chuckled again, reaching up and very gently running his fingers through Charles’ hair.“Now, Charles...”

Charles took a deep breath; he would not. Cave.“I’ll have you-I’ll just make you sing ‘My Fair Lady’ and run around main street in a parasol.Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll make you think you’re _human._ ”

That shut him up.Erik stared at him, the drunk haze clearing his eyes a moment.Charles allowed himself a smirk, brushing past him again and heading towards the physics end of the bookcase.“Now get OUT.Or bloody well make yourself useful.”When he didn’t respond, Charles began to hope that he’d left.

 _Finally... now maybe some damn PEACE..._ H e returned Einstein and Curie to their respective places, and went on to return Plato and Copernicus.Getting his workout tonight too, it seemed; none of these were particularly light, and he still had to go to the English Literature section.

 _Damn Hank and his mind..._ he thought as he slipped Copernicus into place.Sighing a little, he turned around ‒

‒And found himself smack against Erik.He jumped, clutching the books to his chest, heart thudding painfully loud.That‒that _damnable_ man just _smiled,_ AGAIN, looking ever more like the Cheshire Cat.

“A bit jumpy, little one?”

“Fuck off,” he snarled, deliberately bumping into Erik as he went to deposit the rest of the books. 

Erik’s laughter followed behind him, lazy and arrogant.“I’d rather fuck _you,_ but ‒”

He’d had it.He’d had it with that man’s shenanigans and his excuses and his damnable attitude; he was DONE.Slamming the books on the nearest table, he wheeled around, not bothering to disguise the anger and hurt.“For God’s sake, GET OUT OF MY FUCKING LIBRARY!”This caused Erik to pause, curiosity in those eyes, those beautiful eyes‒

 _Keep it together, you twat._ He took a deep breath, intent to keep on with his rant.“Get out, and go to bed or have a fucking cold shower, or have some tea or whatever the hell it is you want to do, but GET out and LEAVE. ME. ALONE.”

Erik looked dumbstruck, and... _hurt?_ The bastard had the nerve to be hurt?!

“Charles... if this is about me not being here tonight, I’m sorry‒”

Charles laughed.Oh, how he LAUGHED.Erik looked worried now.

Charles cut the laughter, fixing the older man with eyes that closer resembled the coldest arctic night than the bright summer sky they usually did.“Yes, Erik, this is about tonight.And Sean’s birthday.And Thanksgiving.And that night Sean made us that wonderful supper, and you didn’t fucking show‒”

“I’m sorry‒”

Charles scoffed, picking up the books again and heading to his final destination. “Sorry.That’s all you ever ARE, Erik, and you’re only sorry when you’re piss drunk.Never when you’re sober, and never when I bloody need you to be.”He fell silent, and he could hear Erik’s footsteps trailing him, the worry from the other man becoming palpable.He ignored him, and slammed the final books into place.

“You’re hurt.”Erik’s voice was small, timid.Charles paused, a slightly hysterical laugh bubbling out of his throat.

“Yes.”He turned, facing the man he sometimes loved but was currently furious with.“Yes, I’m hurt.Whatever gave you that FUCKING idea?”

“You don’t look happy‒”

“OH FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, ERIK, IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION!”

He visibly jumped this time, a flicker of fear in his eyes.

 _Good,_ thought Charles, _let him see I won’t be pushed around anymore._ He straightened, tugging down the hem of his sweater.“Every time I need you here, EVERY time, you’re gone.And you show up hours later, stinking drunk out of your mind, and expect me to hold you and fuck you and be the loving little pet you think me to be.Well, Erik Lehnsherr, I’ve had it.I’m not going to sit around waiting for you to get your head out of your arse, because there is plenty more I could be doing with my life.Plenty of women‒”Erik’s eyes came up, darkening a little.Charles smirked. _Got your attention, have I?_ “‒There are plenty of women who would gladly be with me and love me and not come in the door at three and start trying to hump me like it’s spring.No, they’d actually give a damn, and maybe let me be in control for once.Give me some goddamned _respect._

“So,” he concluded, folding his arms, “Maybe I’ll just go off to the city now, find myself a pretty dark haired, doe eyed beauty, and fuck her senseless.It’ll be nice, having a woman for once, you’re getting quite dull‒”

Charles paused, studying Erik.The other man was shaking slightly, lips curling in the beginnings of a snarl.If not for the still present stench of alcohol, Charles might have been terrified.He was certainly worried as was, but damn if he didn’t feel good about saying that.He twisted on his heel, heading for the door.“‒Quite dull and repetitive.So, I bid you an adieu, and maybe I’ll see you in the morning.Make sure the coffee’s hot, I hate having company and nothing but soddy coffee to give them‒”

This time, Erik did snarl, low in his throat.The back of Charles’ neck prickled, but he kept walking; he wasn’t going to go back on his word... except he couldn’t move.He was confused a moment until his belt buckle jabbed him hard in the belly, as if trying to move through him.

 _Of course, Xavier you idiot_ _‒_ He let out a sharp yelp as he was spun around and brought dragging to Erik. _Of COURSE he’s not going to let you leave, of course you’re wearing metal, you IDIOT_ _‒_ His thoughts halted the same time he did, almost flush against Erik and the man glaring absolute fury and... _possessiveness?_

 _Well, isn’t that a change.Being the desired item instead of the three day old leftovers._ He swallowed.“Let me go, Erik.”

“No.”

Charles sighed irritably, beginning to work his belt loose, but Erik only tightened it further.“Ah-Erik, stop, let me go.”

Still that possessiveness remained, he was practically thrumming with it.“No.You’re not going to fuck some whore.”

“And just why the hell not?It’s my body, I can do whatever I damn well please with it.”He gave the belt a few more tugs, finally getting the buckle undone and tossing the strip of leather off into some corner.He made to turn again, but this time his feet wouldn’t move‒ _Damn it all, damn HIM to hell_ _‒ _ “Let me GO.”

Erik snarled again, leaning in very close.Charles swallowed, but didn’t blink.He wouldn’t give in, wouldn’t show weakness to him.

“You are _not._ Going.To fuck.Some whore,” Erik ground out, “You’re going to stay _here.”_

“And you’re going to make me?You know, I could just walk out of here naked, then‒”He didn’t miss the way Erik’s pupils dilated a little, “‒Then you couldn’t control me whatsoever.So, maybe I’ll just get rid of the shoes, and the pants, and‒”Charles didn’t get a chance to finish as Erik very nearly tried to swallow his mouth in a rather vicious kiss.Charles froze, his eyes blanking a little before his brain caught up with the rest of his body.He pushed Erik away, panting and trying to retain his anger.“My God, you have issues‒”

“Shut up,” growled Erik, trying to kiss him again, but Charles caught him in the chest with the heel of his palm.

“ _No._ You will learn that you’re not always going to get your way, you arse faced‒”Erik’s lips were on his, tongue tangling with his, the heat rising on his skin‒

_ Bloody hell.Bloody, bloody, BLOODY hell. _ He should have known this would happen, if he pushed Erik like that.He was mad, oh yes, still very mad, but damned if his body wasn’t responding to this. _Bloody FUCKING HELL._ Damn Erik, damn him, damn his cock‒

“Stop IT,” he gasped out, separating them again.Erik’s pupils were almost fully dilated, almost nothing left of that lovely ocean green, and‒ _UPSTAIRS BRAIN, XAVIER._ They both stared at each other, panting.“You can’t-you can’t just DO this because you feel like it.”

“You asked for it.”

“Oh sod off, you’re jealous, that’s all.I’m not your little fuck toy, I’m a human being, a _grown man_ , and I will not be manhandled like this. Get a hold of yourself, Erik.”

Erik’s eyes narrowed, and for a moment Charles thought the older man was going to hit him.His fingers automatically went to his temple, ready to knock him out at any given moment, and Erik didn’t miss the movement.The German’s hands dropped from his neck, and Charles began to relax... until those hands starting going lower, lower...

“No, no, n-n-n-n-nuh huh‒”He broke off with a hiss, and Erik’s face split into a triumphant grin.Charles mentally kicked himself into the nearest corner and kept kicking. _GOD.DAMN.HIM._

Trust his damn cock to give him away.He glared at Erik, willing him into a pile of ash, but it all fluttered away as Erik’s palm pressed against him again.“Fuck...”Christ, if that didn’t feel good, that pressure making him ache more, making him want, want, _want‒_

_ Get a hold of yourself, you’re ANGRY. _

That brought Charles around again, and he swatted at Erik’s hand, hard.Erik withdrew his hand, looking reproachful, but Charles wouldn’t give under that wounded look.

“This isn’t happening, Erik.You _hurt_ me, and a little fuck in the library is not going to fix this.It’s not.”His voice remained firm, but Erik’s mournful look was intensifying.“Oh stop it, you’re not bloody TWELVE.”He lowered his eyes this time, looking absolutely pathetic.Charles sighed.“Come on, Erik, this isn’t how we want things to go, you know it, I know it, it’s not what makes a grounded relationship.I can’t-we’re not-we can’t just be little fuck buddies and ignore each other the rest of the time, that’s not how these things work.” _Although that’s all you did in Oxford-shut up, brain._

He tentatively lifted his left foot, and felt a sense of relief as it lifted off the floor.“Now, why don’t you go to bed, and‒”

“No.”Erik’s head came up, his pupils blown fully again.“You’re not going anywhere.”

Charles had to keep from screaming at him.“You’re not the boss of me, Erik!God‒” he swore, “‒Jesus, Mary, FUCK‒”He pulled at his hair, the anger and frustration and _lust‒damn you, both of you‒_ “You know what, fine.Fine.”Charles tore off his sweater and the t-shirt underneath, his shoes, socks and trousers quickly following.Erik stared at him, a little dumbstruck.It only served to make Charles more infuriated.“Are you just going to stand there and blast your damn pants, or are you going to take me into that corner and just fuck me senseless?”

His words only made Erik look more stupefied.“You-you’re serious?”Charles could have throttled him.

“Does this,” he bit out, pointing to his very obvious hard on, “LOOK like I’m joking?”Erik just stared at him still.“Oh for-Erik, please, just for once, LISTEN to me.”Erik blinked.Charles sighed.“Please.Get rid of your shirt, drop your bloody pants, carry me over there, and just give me all you have with your damn cock.”

“Now?”

His face must have spelled murder, because Erik was shucking his shirt in no time flat, walking over and _grabbing_ him, kissing him again like their world was ending.Charles sank into the kiss, one hand snagging in Erik’s hair and the other locking around his shoulder.Erik pulled him up around his waist, fingers hooking in the band of his shorts and trying to move them away.

_ YOU WAIT.You have to earn that. _

_ And how exactly do you plan on me fucking you if you’re not going to get completely naked? _

_... Shut up. _

Erik chuckled into his mouth, nipping at his lip. _A professor, and yet an idiot‒_

Charles pulled away, glaring at him before pulling his hair, hard.Erik gasped, and he felt a prickle of the man’s pain in his mind.“I said shut up.”He returned to Erik’s mouth, sucking his lower lip in a way that could only be described as completely filthy. _And kiss me._

An answering groan was all he got, Erik stumbling to the nearest bookcase and twisting around, slamming Charles none too gently into the stacks.The breath left his body a moment, and Erik took the opportunity to move his shorts lower and ghost his hands over Charles’ very hot, very hard, cock.

“Oh...”

Erik smirked.

Charles mustered a glare, but it didn’t nearly have the same impact now that he was in Erik’s arms and shivering slightly.“Fuck off.”

“I’d rather‒”

“Yes, I _know_ what you’d rather do.”They both fell silent, Charles staring into Erik’s eyes; he could see that his pupils were just as blown, a punch drunk look on his face.Erik’s mouth was hanging open a little, a very thin string of saliva hanging from the corner of it.Charles felt a sense of triumph; he stroked the curls of hair at the base of Erik’s neck, lowering his voice to seductive purr.“Then do it already, you damned arse.”He smirked, leaning in and placing his mouth beside Erik’s ear, voice like warm butter.“Before you go wasting yourself on your pants.”Erik let out a very, very soft moan, and his grip softened a little; Charles’ smirk grew.He was still angry, oh yes, but damned if wasn’t going to be in control for once.He could feel Erik straining against the material of his trousers, hard, perhaps harder than he, but‒

“My God, man, why haven’t you taken off your pants?”

Erik growled low in his throat, glaring at him before letting go; Charles barely had a second to stop himself from falling flat on his ass.Not that he really had to worry, because Erik’s trousers and shorts were on the ground before he’d even straightened, and then the other man was pulling down Charles’ shorts, tossing them away somewhere.

_ Damn, I won’t find them till morning-OH‒ _

“Bloody hell, Erik‒”

Erik let out a low rumbling chuckle, sending vibrations all up Charles’ body.Charles’ knees buckled a little, hand clamping onto the nearest shelf in an attempt to not collapse on top of Erik and stop the magic his tongue was doing.

“You like that?” he mumbled, removing his lips for a moment.Charles gave up on glaring, just slapped at him half heartedly.

“My mouth is up _here,_ you arse.”Erik laughed, licking him one last time before trailing kisses up his body, finally connecting with his mouth.

“I thought you liked those kisses...”

Charles growled this time, climbing back on him and digging his nails into the center of the man’s back.“I do, but you don’t fucking deserve to taste me tonight‒”He sucked Erik’s lip again, nibbling it lightly and bringing forth a louder moan this time.

_ Who owns who now, you idiot? _ He couldn’t help but smile a little, feeling in control, in charge, in...Erik had frozen, tensing. _Dear God, he’s not going to cum NOW, is he?_ They’d done this how many times now, Erik was far better than this, far‒

“JESUS HOLY CHRIST!”

Charles all but screamed as Erik entered him, no warning, no lube, no fucking _nothing._ It _hurt._ Who cared that they’d been doing this for three months now, going in like that with NO warning, not even a bloody pre-stretch, it hurt.This time he did glare at Erik, furious as all get out again.

“I hate you.”

“Tell that to your cock, little one.”

Charles hissed, forcing Erik’s mouth on his. _Stop being an arse, Erik, and either do what you were intent on doing or fuck RIGHT off‒_

Erik’s body rippled beneath him, just the slightest rocking movement, slowly picking up his pace.Charles went limp, sinking into his shoulder and sighing.

_ That’s better... _

He began to relax, let the lust return as Erik moved. _Stupid, great idiot, but by God, you’re MINE.All mine._ The pain was leaving now, quickly, and all that was left was the tight, shifting pressure of Erik moving, in and out, in and out, long and hard and _oh so fucking wonderful_.

_ You’re still mad, you’re still upset about this happening‒ _

“I still hate you,” he whispered into Erik’s ear, fingers tangling in his hair.A slight rumble from the center of Erik’s chest was all he got.“I still hate you, you’re still-still gonna-sssssslee‒”He gave up on words; the minute he started talking more, Erik started moving faster, and God in HEAVEN if it didn’t feel like his head was exploding. _Don’tstopdon’tstopdon’stopyou’reangryyou’reangryFUCKITFUCK‒_

“Fuck me, Erik, FUCK‒!”Charles’ words dissolved into a deep quivering groan as all pretences of gentleness died and Erik was slamming his cock into him like they were in heat, and all that mattered was going at it until the sun died.

_ Or we do. _

Erik snarled into his mouth, biting none too gently now and almost drawing blood; it hurt, but damn it if didn’t feel better.He’d never let him know this, he’d take it to the grave, but he _loved_ it when Erik was rough and desperate like this.Even if the sex was better, there was just so much more EVERYTHING.More heat, more tongue, more swearing, more _‒Jesus fuck, he’s going deep._ The lights in his eyes were starting to dance everywhere, and he could tell by the way Erik’s breathing was starting to hitch and the way he was starting to throb that he was close too.So close, so close...

_ Going to show you who’s in charge. _ Charles brushed his lips against Erik’s ear again, not needing to summon up any amount of husky growl; his voice sounded hot gravel.

“Cum for me.”

Erik clenched, the sound exploding from his chest sounding half moan, half scream, and Charles felt a new heat join the one already filling up his ass.Well, if that didn’t send his head into the darkest recesses of the universe, he didn’t know what would, because that feeling, that heat, filling him, marking him, it‒

It made him actually scream, and not even a second later he was exploding, cumming over both of them and almost ripping Erik’s hair out. _God in HEAVEN‒_

For a second, he blanked out, going completely limp in Erik’s arms and letting him take the full weight of both of them.Erik collapsed, slumping over Charles, forehead against his and panting heavily still.His hot breath on his face was the second thing Charles was aware of when he finally blinked his eyes open again.Erik’s nose was almost right against his, eyes still closed and looking like he’d run a marathon.Charles could feel the German’s sweat trickling into his scalp, dripping onto his chest, mixing with the still warm semen‒

_ Damn, the carpet. _

_ Oh, sod it.I don’t give a damn. _

Besides, if he’d been worried about the carpet, he wouldn’t have asked Erik to fuck him like they just had.Erik’s presence was gone (he had no idea when he’d pulled out), just the wet warmth slowly making its way out of his behind, but the shadow was still there, still warm... 

“Still... still hate me?” mumbled Erik, raising his eyes at last; the pupils were back to normal size, but the dark rings around the iris had intensified almost to black.Like a circle of night around the ocean.

_ Damn you, damn your beautiful eyes, damn your beautiful body, and really damn your beautiful cock,  _ he thought as he giggled, pushing Erik off of him and sitting a little straighter.He heard Erik’s snicker in the background, and it only made him laugh harder.Oh Erik... 

Charles grabbed a hold of the shelf near his head, slowly, shakily pulling himself upright and stumbling over to where he’d left his clothes; he’d find his shorts in the morning.Besides, he wanted a shower before the cum dried too much.

“Do you?” asked Erik again, still sitting on the floor.Charles slipped into his trousers before turning around, zipping them back up and looking like he was pondering the answer.

“Yes.I do.”

Erik’s face dropped a little, disbelief colouring it.“You-you can’t be serious.”

Charles laughed, picking up his remaining clothing and starting toward the door.“I am.And you’re sleeping on the couch tonight, you arse.Don’t think that little display is going to get you let off THAT easy.”

“Charles‒”

Charles slipped out of the library, closing the door.“Good night, Erik.”The catch clicked, but he barely heard it over the sound of Erik swearing loudly in German, French, and English.He had to laugh.

_ Good night indeed. _


	2. The Long Walk Home

Apologizing wasn’t something Erik did easily, even if he had obviously done something wrong.  Admitting a fault meant admitting weakness, and Erik was not weak.

He wasn’t.

Except...

“I’ll be out for a couple of hours, don’t catch up,” said Charles, wrapping his scarf around his neck.

Except for him.

Erik tried to look bored, but he’d read the same sentence in his book three times already; watching Charles dress was just... hypnotizing at times.  Even if he was adding layers as opposed to taking them off.

“Where are you going again?” he asked, finally turning the page; he wasn’t getting anything out of the book anymore.  Charles pulled on a pair of blue wool gloves, wiggling his fingers and giving Erik a rather withering look.

“Out.  To meet with some old friends at the pub and discuss Oxford days.  And no, you’re not invited, you stay here and make sure Sean and Alex don’t burn the place down.”

“Reduced to baby-sitting, have I?”

This time Charles paused, eyes like ice chips.  “Don’t give me that, you know very well I’m still angry about last week.”  Yes, last week... okay, so maybe he deserved to baby-sit those two idiots, but it wouldn’t do well to just lay there and accept it.  That would be weak.

“So I’m being punished by looking after young men.”  Erik raised one eyebrow, keeping his tone cool and neutral.  Charles’ lips pursed, and he tightened the scarf, grabbing his satchel and heading for the door to the main hall.

“Just make sure they don’t burn the house down,” he snapped, and then he was gone.  Erik waited until he heard the door slam, then stood up, placing the book on the side table.  He knew Charles was lying, right from the get go; Raven had told him once, over glasses of whiskey, that Charles hadn’t made many close friends, and none that he’d stayed in touch with since he’d graduated.  Which meant...

He was going out for other reasons.  Erik tapped the table, eyes going to Charles’ desk; he would have documented it somewhere, and Erik had a good idea of where.  It was what he would find that had him... concerned.  _He’d better not be following through with his threat of finding a whore somewhere,_ he thought, the words growling and angry.  Charles would, and that caused Erik some problems, if he was honest with himself.  Charles wasn’t to be shared, Charles was _his._   And his alone.

So there the question reasserted itself: what was Charles doing?

_Wondering isn’t going to solve anything, go see._

He went to Charles’ desk, quickly unlocking the top drawer and bringing out the man’s day planner.  Various scribbles covered the page, some legible, others completely in Charles’ ridiculous scrawl.  “Oh you...”  Finally catching the page with today’s date, he flipped the planner open, studying it.  _So... meeting with friends, are we?_   He tapped his finger next to the words, memorizing the address.  _At the college lecture halls._ Well, now he knew, and unless he had a particular fetish about having sex in college lecture halls, he was quite sure Charles wasn’t picking up a whore from some bar.  He replaced the journal back in its drawer, locking it, and heading to the coat rack, grabbing his jacket.  Zipping it as he walked, he stopped by the kitchen first.  Raven and the boys were inside, cards scattered on the table.

“Raven, I’m leaving.  Watch the house, please?” he said, hands in pockets.  They all looked up, the various chattering dying almost instantly.

“I thought... the professor wanted you to stay here?” said Alex.

“Yes well, I’ve decided I need some air.  I’m going out, and please don’t burn the house down.”

“Oh come on‒”

“Charles’ words, not mine.”  There was a vague grumble from Alex, and a giggle from Raven, but he ignored both and carried on to the front door.

“What time are you going to be back?” called Hank.

“Whenever I get tired or the sun comes up, whichever arrives first,” Erik replied, opening the door and stepping out.  “Goodnight.”  With an audible thump, the door closed and he was alone in the dark of the night.  What few lights were on in the house gave the grounds only the slightest of glows, and Erik let out a sigh, looking up at the sky; it had clouded over and the first flakes of snow were falling.

_Well, at least the walk will be picturesque._

As he started down the main road to the local college, he mentally prepared himself for what he was certain would come.  Charles had obviously not wanted anyone to know about this presentation he was doing, or he would have been spouting about it weeks ago.  This in itself was a curiosity, Charles loved bragging about his latest accomplishments and future endeavours; despite all his humility, he had enough pride to choke a horse at times.  Erik knew that he’d been working on something for the past little while, since their return from Cuba, but what he’d never found out.

_Or bothered to find out..._

The guilt of Charles’ words last week began to niggle in his mind again; how many ‘family’ occasions had he missed?  Nine?  Ten?  And that didn’t count out on times he’d forgotten about private events with just Charles, those numbered higher.  He’d been right, that night in the library, that Erik was never there when he needed him, and never apologized.  For a long time, Erik had just brushed it off for months, certain that Charles hadn’t actually paid attention or given a damn.  He didn’t know why he’d thought that, he should have known better; the giddiness Charles had about having them all in the mansion had been almost stifling when they’d first come to the mansion, playing father and brother to them all.  If Erik was honest with himself, that was part of the reason why he’d been so drawn to the little telepath in the first place: Charles’ caring went above and beyond what was asked of him.

 _And I tossed it back at him..._  He sucked in a breath as he entered the parking lot of the college, trying to settle his nerves.  _That changes tonight._

There was a young man standing at one of the side entrances, smoking a cigarette; the smell of the tobacco made Erik’s mouth water a little, and he debated asking the boy for a cigarette.  He pushed the idea away immediately, knowing it wouldn’t make the coming situation any easier if Charles were to taste the tobacco on his breath later.  That had been his one major rule when they’d come: absolutely NO smoking in the house, and preferably no smoking period.  Erik still snuck a cigarette every now and then, but only when Charles wasn’t around and that wasn’t particularly often.

“Can I help you?” asked the boy, flicking the butt off into the dark.  Erik pushed the last of the longing away and focused on the task at hand, straightening and trying to look more intimidating.

“Yes, I’m here for Professor Xavier’s presentation.”

The boy nodded, rubbing his nose a little.  “Right.  It’s already started, you know‒”

“I know, and I don’t mind.  Can I still go in?”

“Yes... Not sure it will make any sense, but yes, you can.  Just be quiet so you don’t disturb him or the other attendants, alright?  I’ll get in trouble if something major happens.”  Erik smiled, just the hint of mockery.

“You don’t have to worry, boy, no one will know.”

The boy swallowed noticeably, then pushed the door open.  “Lecture Hall Two; the door’s propped open.”  Erik nodded and walked on through.  Immediately the silence enveloped him.  There were many different types of silence, he found, but the silence of a college corridor was one of the most stifling.  Disturbing it seemed to be the biggest travesty to cross the planet if one did so, and he was drawing on much of his... hunting experience to keep quiet now.  There was no one else in the hall now, and after a moment Erik began to let his guard down, bit by bit.  It was almost comforting... almost.

“... Over the course of several thousand years, Homo Erectus began to lay the foundations of social living, forming the very basis of human society.”  Charles’ voice was starting to thread through the hall, and a sense of relief filled Erik; that man’s voice could calm him no matter what.  And, of course, he was talking of evolution and adaption and how genetics figured into it all; his passion for it was amusing and enduring.  Slowing his steps and keeping an eye on door numbers, Erik finally found the Lecture Hall Two, Charles’ voice echoing inside.  “While his social advances are a talk all in itself, it is his physical and mental evolution that I find far more fascinating.”

Erik pushed open the door; Charles was at the front of the hall, standing beside a projected image of a hairy looking ape-man, looking as happy as he usually did when he talked of this sort of thing.  There weren’t many people in the hall, but those that were were paying rapt attention.  _Oh Charles... you always could captivate an audience,_ he thought fondly, descending a few steps... and hitting a pop can.  It was empty and just made a slight ting as it hit the side of a chair, but it still caused everyone to pause and look up.  He swallowed, berating himself for his idiocy and tried to find a seat before Charles would‒ _ah._

Those big blue eyes had swept up the tiers of seats, a pleasant smile on his face until he saw Erik; then those eyes widened and a look of shock filled his face.  For a moment Erik felt the prickle of Charles’ mind in his, but it faded as quickly as it had appeared; the look on his face, however, remained, and it threw him a moment.  “Um... um...”  He shook his head, then tried regain his smile and bravado.  “Right, sorry, distracted.  Where-ah yes!  Homo Erectus, if it had decided to do anything else other than sharpen that stick, may have remained an ape.  But, he didn’t, and as such, he evolved, adapted, and mutated.”  Charles continued his speech with what seemed to be even more enthusiasm, but Erik knew better.  His appearance had thrown Charles off considerably, and it showed every now and then when a question was asked or he got ahead of the slides.

Charles soldiered on, however, trying to put on the best show he possibly could, and Erik had to admit he felt a sense of pride as he watched this man he cared about so deeply get so passionate about something he barely understood or even cared about.

“...And with this new turn of events, it is with keen eyes and an open mind that we start our next step in human evolution.  Now...” he checked his watch, adopting an apologetic look.  “I’m afraid I don’t have time for questions, but if you have a very particular query, I will be out in the hall in five minutes.  Thank you very much for your time, this has been an honour, and hopefully I’ll be back before the decade gets old.”  He chuckled, and the audience joined in; Erik smiled, his pride growing, filling him for a moment at Charles’ jest.

_Oh, you old man..._

Charles stiffened a little, but didn’t move otherwise as Erik’s thought flitted about his head a moment.  The audience was filing out, mostly students, although there appeared to be a few older people as well.  Erik snuck in between a girl with red hair and her curly haired friend, wanting to avoid Charles until the last possible moment.  It seemed Charles had the same idea, as he appeared to be making a grand show of packing his things.

Many of the audience members were departing for the door, but a few did linger, all young and very eager looking.  Erik secluded himself in the shadows as the students chatted animatedly amongst themselves, eagerly discussing and theorizing what they’d just heard.  It was amusing, but it did little to take his mind off of things that were sure to come.  _Mutation may not save me tonight..._

_We’ll see about that later, Erik._

Erik stiffened as Charles’ voice filled his head for a moment.  The telepath at last exited the lecture hall, immediately being swarmed by the students, fending them off with light laughter and quick answers to their hot questions.

“Have you explored more on your theory of mutation already?

“Yes, although there’s far too much to go over tonight.”

“Do you think humans will have mutations like you said they would in the near future?”

“Oh maybe, we could all be carrying those genes now, and our children may very well get them.”

“Are you free for drinks now?”

Charles laughed at the questioner, a lovely young girl with big brown eyes, touching her shoulder.  “My dear, if it were any other night, I’d say yes, but I have other things to do and people to see.  Perhaps in the future though, hmm?”  The girl blushed but nodded, her companions giggling.  Charles straightened, giving his hands a light clap.  “Now, unless you have any other burning questions, you should all be heading home or to the bars.  After all, no class tomorrow.”  He grinned and the students giggled again, dashing off down the hall to the door.  Charles kept his smile until the door shut, then turned to face Erik, expression far more serious and almost unhappy.

“Well.  This is a surprise,” he said, tightening his scarf around his neck.  The guilt came back and Erik couldn’t meet his gaze.

“I thought you’d be happy.”

“Happy.  I thought I asked you to stay at home, look after the children‒”

“They’re adults, Charles.”

Charles’ jaw tightened, but he continued.  “Nevertheless, I asked you to stay home.  But since when have you ever actually listened to what I’ve said?”  He bit the words out, stalking to the door.  “That would be the day, you listening to me for once.  How did you even know I was here?  I didn’t tell anyone.”

Erik followed, but kept his distance in case Charles was going to lash out.  “I... I read your planner.”

Charles turned around, a small look of surprise on his face.  “How, that drawer is locked‒”  He stopped midsentence, expression going very sour.  “Locked, of course to all but the master of metal,” he said sarcastically.  “How very decent and honest of you, Erik.”  He pushed the doors open, walking straight into the falling snow.  Erik picked up his pace, not far behind now.  The boy who’d been there before was gone, and the lot was empty; it was just the two of them.

 _Good_ , he thought, _Now we can actually talk._   He reached out with his mind, finding the nails in Charles’ shoes and the buttons on his coat, immobilizing them and Charles.

“What-!  ERIK!”  Charles looked over his shoulder, absolutely furious.  “Let.  Me.  Go.  NOW.”

“Will you please let me walk with you?”

Charles sighed, pinching his nose, but his shoulders relaxed a little.  “Yes... Yes, I will let you walk with me.  Now please let me go.”  Erik released his hold on the metal slowly, unsure if Charles actually would let this happen.  There came another sigh, this time more frustrated, and he let go of the metal entirely.  Charles stumbled a little, straightening his coat and giving Erik a rather irritated look.  “Your use of your gifts is beginning to borderline abuse, Erik.”

“Fair play, if you’re going to go in my head,” he replied, walking over so he and Charles were side by side.  The shorter man scowled but said nothing; it was the truth and he knew it.

“Yes, well... Whatever, Erik, that’s not important,” he snapped, starting towards the path that led back to Westchester.  “Why did you come?  There’s a reason why I didn’t say anything to anyone about this.”

Erik remained silent a moment before replying.  “I wanted to be there for you.”

Charles stopped, looking at him.  “You-really?  Now, after all this time, you decided to actually come and support me?”  Erik squirmed under Charles’ gaze, blue and unblinking and wholly sceptical.  After a moment Charles started walking again, not bothering to wait for Erik to catch up.  “I must say, that is a TRUE surprise, given your past history, you never seem interested unless you’re trying to bite through my pants‒”

“Charles please, I’m trying to make this work,” exclaimed Erik, grabbing his arm and halting him.  Charles stiffened in his grasp, pulling away roughly, blue eyes wide with hurt and frustration.

“Work?  Erik, I have been _trying_ to make this work since-since that night!”

“The first night we...”

“Yes!”  Charles paused, pushing his hair away from his face.  “The first night we-we slept together.  And all you ever did and have done since then is get stupid drunk whenever it pleases you most and leave me, alone.  Again.”

Neither said anything, Charles looking almost ashamed at his admission, and Erik quite surprised by it.  Charles didn’t let things that bothered him show, but when he did... oh heaven help him.  He’d done this to him, made him this frustrated and uncertain.  “I didn’t... I didn’t know,” he said finally, reaching to take Charles’ hand.  Charles jerked away, not meeting his eyes.

“Obviously, otherwise we probably wouldn’t be here.  I was a fool to believe that you’d feel the same way, that you’d _want_ something out of this as much as I was hoping for.”

“I’m sorry, I haven’t-I haven’t had many relationships, Charles‒”

  1. The dawning of what Charles was trying to say hit Erik hard, and his breath caught in his chest.



“You love me.”  Charles’ fingers tightening around his was all the answer he needed.  “I didn’t think-not this deeply-oh Charles...”  He moved his hand out of Charles’ grasp, cupping the other man’s cheek.  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know-would it have made any difference?”  Charles pulled away, starting a brisk pace again.  Erik ran after him, trying to catch him and failing; Charles was not letting himself be touched.

“Charles, please‒”

“What, Erik?”  He whipped around, looking up at him, his expression intensifying.  His eyes were overly bright now; Charles was on the verge of tears.  That _never_ happened.  “What do you want me to say?  What can you possibly say that will either make me feel better or make this situation better, or‒or‒”  Charles fell silent as Erik placed his fingers to his lips, the wool pulling at the chapping on the tender skin.  Looking at him now, the fear and uncertainty were making Charles look more like a lost child than a grown man, and Erik had never felt so much for him before.  He slowly moved his hands to the sides of Charles’ face, leaning in and bringing his lips to Charles’.  The man had as good as frozen, but the minute their lips touched, he kissed back with an almost desperate fever.  _That’s not fair..._

_Hush, little one, you need this... and I need to give this to you._

Charles sighed, breaking the kiss but not pulling away entirely.  Erik was half tempted to say fuck it and kiss him again, but he had a pretty good idea that Charles would not approve of it.  So, instead, he asked, “What’s wrong?”

Charles didn’t move, leaning his forehead against Erik’s, hands going to where Erik’s were.  “Need, want... give, take.  I don’t want to play this game anymore, Erik.  I can’t.”  He looked up then pulled away, looking almost old.  Fear prickled in Erik’s gut, but he pushed it away, tried to push it away.  It wouldn’t leave.

“Can’t what, Charles what are you saying?” he said, his voice coming off louder than he intended.  _Control, Erik, get yourself in fucking CONTROL._   Easier said than done when the look in Charles’ eyes made him feel like his chest was getting cut to ribbons.

Charles blinked; the brightness was back in his eyes again.  “I think you know what I mean.”

“I don’t, so tell me.”  Erik’s voice was biting now, and he didn’t miss Charles’ flinch.  _Good._

“Erik, please‒”

“Tell me, goddammit!  I want to hear those words come out of your mouth, so I know who to blame when I break the pipes in the damn house,” he exclaimed, not bothering to keep his voice down now, nor the challenge from his eyes.  Charles seemed to be visibly shrinking as he assaulted him both verbally and visually.  A prick of guilt flickered across his neck, but his anger wouldn’t let it take a hold.  “Tell me.”

Charles straightened, looking him in the eye, suddenly clear and voice strong.  “I’m saying that, until you decide which head you’re using in this relationship, and if you actually do have a heart to put forth, I’m done with it.  It’s damaging to you and it’s certainly damaging to me.  Perhaps‒” his voice caught.  He took a deep breath before continuing.  “Perhaps in time we can have a relationship, but I will not have one that only consists of sex and maybe the odd heated conversation before more sex.”  He paused; Erik just stared, unsure of whether to laugh or shake some sense into the man.  “I’m sorry.”  He turned, meaning to go again.  That was when the fear that had just been pricking turned into something very real and cold in his gut.

“Charles, WAIT!” he called, breathing shallow.  Charles stopped, looked back at him.  For a moment, Erik just stared back as well, desperately thinking of something, _anything_ , to keep him from going.  “Wait.  Read my mind.  You’ve read my mind, you know how I feel, and you _know_ I don’t see this as just a simple fuck and go‒”

Charles held up his hand, looking down.  “Erik, stop.  Please.”  Erik didn’t want to stop, he wanted to tear into this man, make him feel this pain he was feeling, maybe stop it‒  Charles shook his head, dropping his head and looking even more desolate.  “Until I actually physically see it, I want nothing to do with you outside of helping with the school and perhaps lesson plans.”  He looked up, meeting Erik’s eyes at last.  “Good night.”

The words were so final, absolute, that it was several minutes before Erik moved again.  By that time, Charles was gone, making his way back to mansion in the oncoming snow, lost in the white.

_Good night._

_I am not weak._

A chill wind swept over him, pushing snow into his eyes, but he barely noticed.  Not when the snow caught in his lashes, or the wind froze in his throat, or when his toes began to get uncomfortably numb.

He didn’t notice when the tear froze to the stubble on his cheek, a hard little jewel in the dark.  He noticed nothing save the ever present ripping at his chest.

_I am not weak._

_I will not be weak._

Never in his life had the lie completely failed to make him believe otherwise.


	3. The Black Velvet Box

Christmas was around the corner, and its presence was being heavily felt in the mansion.  Raven had taken it upon herself to make this Christmas the Christmas she’d always longed for as a child, and the boys had been roped in to string tinsel and pine boughs all throughout the house.  At the moment, sitting in the library and sipping a cup of Earl Gray, Charles could hear her tell Sean to hang up coloured balls on the ceiling.

“Just these‒”

“Raven, are you insane?  I don’t have WINGS‒”

“You don’t need wings, it’ll be quick‒”

“No, absolutely not, get your boyfriend to do it‒”  Sean’s voice broke off with a yelp, and a moment later a different, painfully familiar voice answered him.

“Do it, or I’ll get Erik to string you up there.”  A shiver ran down Charles’ spine as Raven’s words echoed down to the library in Erik’s voice.  Sean must have been completely cowed into silence, because he didn’t protest anymore.  “Thank you,” said Raven, the smug satisfaction in her borrowed appearance’s voice making the shiver crawl back up Charles’ back and settle in the base of his neck.  How often had he heard that voice, whispered in his ear late at night, those hands drifting down, down, down...

Charles shook himself, the blush already consuming his face.  _That was before, Xavier.  It’s not happening anymore._   They were done, finished, completely separate‒

“Raven, as flattering as it is, I do not appreciate it when you use my body to do your bidding,” Erik said, his voice filtering into the library.  The shiver became a full on twitch and Charles almost lost his hold on the tea cup.  He barely heard Raven gasp, Sean curse, and something break, followed by Sean cursing again.

“S-sorry, Erik, Sean was just‒”

“Doing what he does best, I’m sure.”  There was pause, some movement.  Charles waited, white knuckling the tea cup.  “You do realize what you’re asking of him is quite ridiculous, right?  He doesn’t have wings.”

“That’s what I said!”

There was another pause, and Charles didn’t have to concentrate very hard to know that Erik had cast the red headed mutant a rather stiff glare; he did that on a fairly regular basis.

Raven’s voice picked up, quavering slightly.  “I know, but I really wanted to get those balls up there...”

“All you had to do was ask, Raven,” Erik replied, his tone softer.  A moment later there was a gasp from Raven and what Charles could only interpret as a sigh of relief from Sean.

“Thank-thank you, Erik.”

Remembering it now... it was painful.  His smile fell, and he stroked the edge of his book absently.  “I miss you.”

  1. However, the cup of Earl Gray had decided otherwise.



“Erik, for God’s sake, stop sneaking in‒”

“I’ll go then,” he said, turning around.  “I’m sorry for the tea.”

 _Oh bloody_ _‒_ “Stop, please, I don’t want you to go.”  The words were out of his mouth before he’d fully processed the ramifications.  Erik’s eyes flashed, but the sadness in his expression intensified.

“You want me to stay?”

Charles swallowed, desperately trying to find an excuse.  “Well, I burnt my hand, it’s only fair you at least make me a new cup of tea,” he said finally, flexing his hand and wincing at the pain; it did hurt quite badly.  Erik just looked at him, pinning him to the seat with those eyes that looked more blue than green at the moment.  He missed those eyes...

_Focus._

He cleared his throat, instead concentrating on his hand.  “Well?  Tea?”

Erik shook his head, walking over to the kettle still sitting on the Bunsen burner.  Charles didn’t move, just listened to the sound of the kettle moving, water being poured, the drop of a sugar cube...  Oh, for it to be three weeks ago, when this was commonplace and the sounds relaxed him instead of setting his teeth on edge.  _If he just admits he’s learned, it will all be over and you can have this back.  Please, Erik, fight for this, fight for me_ _‒_

“Charles?”

He opened his eyes; the tea cup was sitting in front of his eyes, waiting.

“Are you alright?” asked Erik, the concern tangible in his voice.  Charles took the cup with more force than he needed, swallowing a great deal of tea and burning his mouth.

_Ow, bugger, OW._

“I’m fine,” he managed to choke out, putting the cup down as sedately as he possibly could with his mouth on the verge of blistering and his hand still sending pings of pain every time he moved it too much.  He was so focused on putting the tea down that he didn’t notice Erik sitting on his haunches until the man spoke again.

“You’re not, and I’d appreciate it if you stopped lying to me.”  Charles wouldn’t meet his eyes, lest Erik see just how close he was to losing his already brittle self control.  So when Erik took his hand, he flinched visibly.  Being touched again, after weeks of heavy avoidance, Charles didn’t like the way it made him feel.

“What do you want me to say, Erik?  That my hand stings and my tongue feels like it’s been stuck to a frying pan?” he said.  _Or that having you this close again makes me feel like my heart is going to explode?_

Erik looked away, letting go of Charles’ hand and standing up.  “No.  Just for the truth again.”  He looked at Charles.  “Every time I see you, you’re just covering up something...”  Charles didn’t need him to finish to know what he would say.  The answer he knew was plastered all over his face was mirrored in Erik’s, and both remained silent, studying one another.  If it had been three weeks ago, Charles was fairly sure they would have gone at each other and poured all their pent up emotions into something truly mind blowing.  Now... there was only regret and sadness and distance that seemed incredibly too far to cross.

“I’ll leave you to your book,” Erik said finally, walking to the door.  Charles’ heart leapt into his throat and the straightened in his chair, half intending to get up.

“Wait!”  Erik stopped, looked back.  “Stay‒stay, have a cup with me,” Charles said, trying not to sound as desperate as he felt.  For a half moment, he was certain Erik would stay and they would talk, _properly_ talk; he could see the fierce longing in the other man’s eyes.  Then he blinked, and it was gone.

“I’m sorry, I have other things to attend to... perhaps another time, though.”

The words stung far more than they should have; of course Erik would be busy, it was almost Christmas.  Everyone was busy!  It was natural for Erik to not have time for a cup of tea‒

 _Stop making bloody excuses, the sod obviously doesn’t want to sit with you._   He had to stop believing that Erik had changed and was going to back and waltz him off his feet.  It wasn’t going to happen.  “Of course.  Of course, yes,” he said, “Yes, um... will you be busy tonight?”  Erik looked away, a flicker of guilt on his face.

“Yes... I won’t be around much this week, actually.  Business to attend to.”  Irritation flared in Charles’ chest, but he didn’t voice it; at least he knew about it this time.

“Are you at least going to be here for Christmas Eve?”

“That’s weeks away‒”

“It’s this Friday.”

Erik stared, looking a little dumbstruck.  “... Oh.”  He shuffled on his feet, looking far from the confident, arrogant man he usually was.  It was adorable, in all honesty, or would have been if the current situation wasn’t awkward bordering on potential argument.  Charles didn’t take his eyes off of the man, crossing his legs and tenting his fingers.

“Will you be there?”

Erik still didn’t make eye contact, but he did look up.  “I’ll try, Charles, but I have business‒”

“‒To attend to, yes.”  He sighed, not bothering to hide the hurt in his voice this time.  “But it’s our first Christmas together, and we’re a family.  Despite what has... transpired between us, I’d like you here, and I’m sure the children would as well.”  Alright, so the last part was probably a lie, but he did want Erik there.  _Please don’t let me down._   Erik didn’t move for a moment, then nodded slowly.

“I’ll try, Charles, but I can’t promise that I’ll be there, so please, _please_ don’t come after me later.  I know what this means to you, and I want to be there, but what I’m working on right now needs to be done.”  He fell silent, finally looking at Charles, earnest and almost desperate.  Charles sighed, dropping his hands; there was nothing he could do about it, and Erik had been honest and open.  That at least was a start.

  1. Hell, if Erik didn’t, he would, sod his pride and self control‒
  2. Erik had left, silent as always, and Charles was alone again.



-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

“Come on, Alex, open it!”

Charles sat in his chair, watching with whatever enthusiasm he’d managed to drag up as Alex uneasily opened a package from Sean and Hank.  The blonde boy (although none of them were children anymore, as Erik kept telling him) was handling the package as though it were a bomb.  “This isn’t another one of your fashion creations, is it Hank?”  Hank blushed, but didn’t answer Alex, trying not to look as eager as Sean did.  Giving the box one last sceptical, worried look, Alex tore into the wrapping paper and found‒ “Socks.”  He pulled out a pair of garish green and yellow socks, staring at Hank and Sean.  Sean burst out laughing, falling over backwards and sending up a flurry of tissue paper.  Hank was trying not to smile, taking one of the socks and beginning to describe its fabulous sock talents.

“Completely fireproof, waterproof, remove sweat, and really quite warm‒”

“Were you and Sean high when you made these?” interrupted Alex, snatching back his sock.  Hank blushed and Sean laughed harder still.  Alex just glared, putting them down.

“Sean was, I wasn’t.”

“You were towards the end!”

Alex grumbled, shoving the socks into the box again and still looking none too pleased.  Hank bit his lip, looking more awkward than usual and guilty to boot.

“We thought they’d be good, Alex, and... we didn’t know what else to get you.”  He reached for the socks.  “We’ll get you something different‒”

  1. And, now it was blizzarding something awful and the temperature had dropped considerably.



_He’ll be okay, Charles._   He looked up to see Raven giving him a sympathetic smile; he tried to smile back, but he just didn’t feel it.  He didn’t care now if Erik was late or not, he just wanted him _home._

“Alright, is that all?  Have we been gifted out?” he said, standing up and gathering wrapping paper.  Four pairs of eyes followed him, and the others slowly followed suit.  Alex ran to get a garbage bag and Hank the broom, while Sean and Raven collected whatever was salvageable.

“I’d say it’s been a good Christmas,” said Sean, sounding strongly satisfied.  “Once the weather stops trying to kill us, I’m gonna try out those snowshoes.”  He looked at Charles.  “What made you think of getting me snowshoes?”

Charles shrugged, looking out the window again.  “It seemed like something you’d enjoy...”  _Erik, where are you?_

“Well, thanks.  I’m gonna wear these puppies out‒”  Sean let out a small exclamation, followed by a hiss from Raven; Charles didn’t need to look at the other two to know she’d told him to shut up.  He could feel her worry for him without even trying to read her mind.

_Do you want to be alone?_

He sighed, finally going to the window, touching the cold glass and peering into the dark.  _Yes... please, Raven.  I’ll take care of the mess._   He heard Sean protest behind him, questions from the other two, and then door being shut.  The only sound now was the crackling of the fire and the wind trying to get in the house.  Sighing, he leant his head against the glass, sending out his mind to see if Erik was even nearby; the weather was getting worse and the longer Erik remained gone the more Charles’ worry grew.

His mind touched those of shivering birds, a deer, a fox, and‒

“Erik.”  No sooner was the word out of his mouth, he heard the front door slam shut and someone stamp their feet.  He was home.  Charles leapt from the window, all but sprinting to the doors and throwing them open.  Erik was standing in the doorway, fist raised and snow beginning to melt out of his hair and off his nose.  He looked cold, ragged, and tired, but it took all of Charles’ self control to pull him in and kiss him till the sun rose.  Instead, he shooed him in and towards a chair near the fire, trying to keep his tone annoyed.  “Where the _hell_ have you been, I’ve been worried sick about you!”  Erik shrugged, sneezing.  Charles stopped fussing with the burner, setting down the kettle and going back over to the man, starting to fret with his clothing instead.  He could feel the cold radiating off of Erik’s coat and exposed skin, and his nose was still dripping; if he hadn’t been glaring, he would have looked completely pathetic.

“I had business to attend to‒”

“Whatever it was I’m sure could have waited, it’s a wonder you don’t have frostbite‒”

“‒For _you._   I had to get something for _you_.”  Erik stood up, looking down at him with a slightly hurt expression.  He reached into his jacket pocket, but Charles stopped him, catching his wrist and making him look up.

“Whatever it is,” Charles murmured, not blinking as he looked into Erik’s eyes, “I’m not worth freezing to death over.”  Erik relaxed under his touch and a smile began to catch at his lips.  Then he reached into his pocket again and withdrew what he’d been meaning to get from the beginning.  Charles’ eyes narrowed with confusion as he saw what it was: a small black box, much like something jewellery would come in.  He touched the surface of it, looking back at Erik.  “I... don’t wear jewellery, Erik, you know that.”

He smiled again, gloved hand going to the side of Charles face.  “I know.  This isn’t that sort of jewellery.”  He placed the box in Charles’ hand, closing his fingers over the black velvet.  “This is something different.”  He removed his hands from Charles, taking a step back.  Charles could feel the man’s mind whirling and twisting, everything smothered in a strong sense of nerves.  Giving him one last odd look, Charles turned his attention to the box.

It was very small, still cool to the touch; wherever it had come from, Erik had walked a fair distance.  The velvet was soft and the deepest shade of black.  It was quite beautiful.  Although what on earth it held... he had no idea.  Giving Erik one last look of scepticism, he opened it.

_Oh._

_Oh my God._

Whatever he’d expected, it hadn’t been that.  Sitting on a little silk cushion was a gold ring.  A gold ring that looked very much like an engagement ring.  For several moments, Charles couldn’t breathe and he almost dropped the box.  This wasn’t possible, it couldn’t be possible, _how was this possible?_

“Charles?  Say something, please.”

Charles finally tore his eyes away from the ring, looking up at Erik and trying to form words; his tongue had gone completely dry.  He swallowed once, twice, and still it felt like sand paper.  “That-that’s a ring.  That’s a ring, why did you get me ring?”  He shook the box, voice quaking.  “Erik, why did you get me ring?  We can’t-we can’t‒”

Erik closed his hands over Charles’ and the box, leaning in close.  Those ocean coloured eyes bore down on him and no matter what Charles did or wanted, he couldn’t escape that gaze.  “I know we can’t, Charles, but... I wanted to.”  He slipped the box from Charles’ hand, withdrawing the ring and letting it hover in the air a moment before dropping it in his palm.  All the while, Charles kept his eyes on Erik, waiting.  The taller man bit his lip before continuing, “I wanted to get you something that-that showed you how much you mean to me, and that if I had the chance...”  He rolled the ring between his fingers, studying Charles’ hands.  Charles could barely breathe again, and he was pretty sure if Erik wasn’t careful, he was going to collapse into a heap on the floor.  As if the man knew what was going through his head, Erik took his hand, placing the ring at his finger tip.  “... I would ask you.”

“Erik, I-I don’t know what to say‒” Charles managed to say, starting to visibly shake; he hadn’t expected this, not in a million years, and he wasn’t sure he could process it.  Erik was as good as asking him to marry him, and that‒what did one do with _that?_    He’d never considered marriage, _ever_ , and even if this wasn’t an actual proposal per say, it was as good as one.  “I _really_ don’t know what to say, I‒”

“You told me, after your presentation at the college, that we couldn’t have a relationship until I showed you that physically cared for you and wanted to be with you,” said Erik, stroking his hand.  Charles remained silent, unable to look Erik in the eye and focusing on the ring instead.  “When you left, that night, I realized just how much I cared about you, and what I would _do_ for you.  What I will do for you.”  He tried to slip the ring on, but Charles curled his fingers in and wouldn’t let him.

This wasn’t what he was prepared for, he didn’t know how to react.  He wanted to run, he wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, but all he could do was shake and tremble and try and process what was happening.  He was at a breaking point.  Finally, he looked up at Erik; he could feel the burn of tears in his eyes, but he couldn’t blink them away.  “What are you saying to me, Erik?” he whispered.  Erik blinked, closing the distance even more.

“I’m saying I love you, and I want to be with you.  For as long as we live, I want to be with _you,_ ” he murmured, taking Charles’ hands again.  Charles sucked in a breath, his composure falling again as the first tear slid down his cheek.

“And you mean that?  You truly mean that Erik, you’re not just saying this because you miss being in my bed?”  Erik’s hands tightened and he chewed his lip, a look of desperation entering his eyes.

“I mean it.  I mean every word, I _love_ you.  I love you, Charles, and I’m _trying_ to show you just how much you mean to me, and this was the best way I could think of‒oh, little one, don’t cry, please‒”  Charles wiped furiously at his cheek, disgusted with himself that he was showing this much emotion, but he couldn’t push it away successfully with Erik saying what he was.  If he wasn’t lying, if this was true... _Don’t let me down, please, please, please._

“Please don’t lie to me, I can’t‒I can’t take this‒”

Erik leant down so they were eye level, wiping away at another stray tear.  Charles leaned unconsciously into his touch, focusing on the buttons of his coat; actually looking him in the eye now would only serve to have him lose his composure entirely at this point.  “I’m not lying.  I love you.  _You._ ”  He paused, taking Charles’ hand again and rolling the ring in his fingertips.  “Will you‒will you take this?”  Charles knew the question wasn’t about the ring, not entirely.  Erik wanted him back, really wanted him back, and Charles...

He uncurled his hand, slowly looking up to meet Erik’s eyes again; the uncertainty and love were there, strong as any light beacon by the sea, drawing him home.  Erik was his home.  “Yes,” he finally managed, wiping at his eyes with his free hand.  “Yes, I will.  I will, you great sod, I will‒”  And for the first time in almost a month, he kissed Erik, kissed him like he’d been wanting to for all those weeks and hadn’t actually done so.  He could feel Erik’s relief and joy, and the ring as he slid it onto his finger.  This was the man he wanted, the one he would stay with through hell and high water, no matter what.

“I love you,” said Erik, pulling away only long enough to say the words.  Charles smoothed the stubble on his cheeks, so glad to at least feel the familiar prickle again.  Oh, he loved this man.

“Don’t you ever leave me again,” he breathed, pulling him in once more to kiss him.  Erik sighed into his mouth, fingers digging into his sweater and Charles felt his skin begin to tingle in ways he hadn’t felt in far too long.  His last coherent thought before Erik started nipping at his neck was to tell the man to at least have the decency to lock the door; he didn’t need any of the others to walk in on them.

 _Although_ , he thought, pressed up against Erik’s chest, the man moving with a gentle care and tenderness he’d never felt before, _Nothing could ruin this now._   The firelight casting a warm glow over their bodies, the wrapping paper surrounding them in a nest of bright colours and happy snowmen, and Erik, holding him and loving him like he’d wished for months; this was what perfection was.

Or, at the very least, what love was.


End file.
